Category Archives: life

Growing

Whew, shit has been busy.

Last week I helped out at the Black Women’s Leadership Conference, hosted by the visionary Sabrina Madison.

On Saturday I celebrated my beloved Christina’s graduation from her PhD program in Connecticut.

IMG-4268

These sisters are very, very special to me. In high school they let me into their family and I got the little sister I’d always wanted in Christina.  She is a brilliant, creative, extraordinarily kind, and sweet woman of whom I am just so proud. I’m sad that she’s moving back east soon, but such is the life of an academic, and I want her to thrive no matter where she happens to be.

And again/still, I have some other cool things happening that I want to talk about but can’t yet (not a pregnancy).

I did a bit of gardening today. As I explained on Facebook, “gardening” for me basically meant ripping up weeds and cleaning up a couple of piles of leaves that we neglected to rake last fall. There was one spot in particular where a lot of leaves had settled in for the winter and really made themselves at home. I cleaned that all up and now we have to reseed that part of the lawn.

I don’t know a damn thing about plants. I mean I really really don’t. I ran into my old botany professor at Christina’s graduation party, and God bless that woman for giving me a C back then, because God knows I probably did not deserve it. I can’t identify anything. When my brother came to build the mudroom closet for us a couple weekends ago, my sister-in-law kindly walked around the house with V and me and told us what each plant we had was (and what was just weeds). She even helped us pick out some pretty perennials at Home Depot, almost none of which I can recall by name now. Violas? Yarrows? *shrug emoji* This isn’t going to be like, a huge new hobby of mine, but I am trying to put a little more time and effort into the yard this year.

Now that the warmth appears to be here to stay, shit just keeps getting busier. This weekend V and I are finally going to visit Door County and hopefully take some pretty hikes and enjoy the scenery. Next weekend we will be celebrating the golden birthday of my beloved friends’ beloved daughter. The weekend after that we will be back up north, this time further, to have a big ol’ family gathering at my sister-in-law’s cabin. Then, following that, we are throwing a party for my parents’ 40th anniversary. Whew. It’s all good stuff, really fun stuff, but kind of exhausting when you think of it all at once.

These past six months have been difficult at times, mentally more than anything, because I keep having to remind myself that being un(der)employed doesn’t inherently mean anything negative about me as a person. It’s all in my own head.

Not really related to that, but also on the mental health subject – literally every day, I have to remind myself that I am a grown ass woman who can make her own valid choices without deference given to impressing, placating, or accommodating anyone else.

What I’m reading:

  • Um, actually, nothing book-wise. I finished Asymmetry, and liked it but didn’t love it. On deck are Sunburn, by Laura Lippman and possibly a rereading of Virgin by Hanne Blank.
  • This NYT article would be very interesting for any fans of Arrested Development. Reading their reckoning of the allegations against Jeffrey Tambor is…illuminating. Jason Bateman really goes to bat for Tambor in a big way.

What I’m fuming about:

  • The NFL’s shameful new national anthem policy. The league’s relationship with the military, explained well here; the owner of the Jets had an encouraging response (though why he didn’t vote against the policy, instead of abstaining, is a mystery); appropriately scorching take by The Root

What I’m watching:

  • Deadpool, last night. If you liked the first one you are sure to enjoy the second. If you didn’t, I’m sure I don’t need to tell you to stay away. But I enjoyed it. I like my superheroes self-aware and sweary (but I also like Captain America, so…the opposite too)
  • I gave up on Westworld. #sorrynotsorry

Always blogging at 10:30pm…

I’m not always good at being grateful.

I could blame American capitalism, I guess, at least in part, for always wanting *more*. Over the weekend my brother, as you may have seen on the ol’ Facebook, came over and constructed a bench/storage area for my previously terribly underperforming front closet. It’s something I’ve wanted since we bought the house two years ago. He did an amazing job. I bought him lunch and gave him all the Mountain Dew he could drink.

closet makeover.png

Then later that night, I was idly browsing one of my favorite apps, Realtor dot com. As V has applied for different jobs in different cities, I’ve used it to check out what the housing market is like in those places – whether we’d have to rent or could feasibly buy and what the neighborhoods are like, et cetera. I get very, very, very ahead of myself. So that evening I was looking around the city of Seattle, which is one that we’ve thought about a lot. Obviously Seattle real estate is just bananas, orders of magnitude out of anything V and I could afford. But I looked nonetheless.

And I truly had to stop and sit myself down, like, MOLLY. What are you doing. You are a 31 year old underemployed recovering bureaucrat, to crib from the bio you give when you pitch your writing. You are not supposed to have a picturesque Seattle Craftsman bungalow with built-in storage for days and elegant fireplaces (plural) and a claw foot tub and a Viking range and gleaming, tasteful white everything and a view of the mountains. This is not a Nancy Meyers movie. You are not Meryl Streep. Chill the fuck out and take a giant step back and look around you and be thankful, for God’s sake.

It’s very easy to achieve something or acquire something and immediately turn your focus to the next achievement or object of your desire. In some ways that’s not all bad, it’s good to strive, it’s good to have goals. Complacency is definitely not rewarded in this society. But I don’t think I take enough time to just appreciate what I already have achieved and/or acquired. My brother generously gave his time and skill to make a lovely improvement to the house that V and I already love, regardless of its imperfections. I have a home. I have family and friends who love me. I’m in a weird life space right now but I’m starting to embrace it. I’m writing (exciting things are happening that I can’t yet tell you about). I’m doing a small part to help improve outcomes for black women and girls in Wisconsin. I’m losing weight and feeling good in my body – no small feat for me. I’m meeting new people and learning new things every day, which is certainly more than I can say for any of my previous 9-to-5’s. Would it be nice to have more money? Yes. But I’m good for right now.

What I’m reading:

What I’m listening to:

What I’m watching:

  • Westworld (despite not loving how dumb it makes me feel sometimes)
  • Silicon Valley
  • The Americans (holy shit)
  • Queen Sugar (one day I’m Team Charlie, then I’m Team Nova, but I am never ever Team Remy)

What I’m eating:

  • More of those fudgy brownies I talked about before. Guys. There just are no words. I mean it. You’re not living right if you’re not eating these bad boys. (Tasty’s recipe) The recipe only makes a 9×9 pan (which I’ve done, but I’ve also used an 8×8 to increase the fudgy factor EVEN MORE) which means they will be gone like instantly, but fortunately they don’t require any bizarre ingredients and are easy to make literally any time you crave them.

The Chocolate Helps.

It’s been shamefully long, I know. There’s no good reason for that other than writer’s block, which I am going to attempt to kick in the ass tomorrow at this workshop. The Art + Lit Lab was where I finally got the confidence to start submitting my writing to real websites and publications, so I’m hoping the same magic will appear tomorrow and get me out of my funk.

I have been writing, a little, but not putting it here because I’m going to attempt to pitch it somewhere, someday, and generally those places like brand new original #content that you haven’t already posted on your blog, even if only 20 people read that blog. Although hey, I have faith that number could increase; I looked back at one of my earlier posts from late 2017 and saw a passing remark I made about having under 100 Twitter followers. I have over 400 now, so you know…*brushes dirt off shoulder* I’m definitely kind of a big deal.

barbie

In other news, I’ve lost 12 pounds since Christmas. This has been virtually all due to my previously mentioned walk-taking obsession. Well, that coupled with healthyish eating, but really, I’m not depriving myself very much. I take 4-6 walks a week, usually by myself but now that it’s getting warmer, V has been more willing to accompany me. Tonight we drove to Baldwin Street, parked, and walked to Maple Bluff and looped around its various boulevards and came back; that was about 5 miles and it was delightful. Sometimes when we go on walks together we just talk, and sometimes we sync up a podcast to listen to simultaneously. Tonight we did a bit of both. Last week we did 3.5 or so miles through and around Shorewood Hills, so this week it seemed right to do its east side counterpart since V had never seen it. They’re both gorgeous of course, but when it comes to daydreaming about being Madison-rich, I think I prefer Shorewood by a hair. Not even because of the neighborhood itself but because of its surrounding environment. Shorewood has Hilldale, Whole Foods, near the west edge of campus; it’s basically bougie heaven. Maple Bluff’s area has…none of that. But they do have views of the Capitol over their side of the lake.

Oh, I’m working now. Just part-time, but hey, I’m glad for it. I’m assisting Sabrina Madison with her various projects and events through the Progress Center for Black Women, which is really exciting to be a part of. It’s definitely a good change from…previous employment.

Getting me through the days:

  • the Queer Eye guys on Instagram (Bobby, Tan, Antoni, Karamo, & JVN). I worship at the Holy Church of the Fab Five. These boys can do no wrong. They’re constantly cheering eachother on in the IG comments and I will watch/listen to them in anything. To that end…
  • JVN’s podcast Getting Curious. I think he was doing it before QE took off, but of course I only discovered it recently. He just interviews people about whatever he wants to learn more about, which is like, the dream podcast. When he interviewed Antoni was probably my favorite though and I hope he interviews the other guys at some point too.
  • discussing #InfinityWar theories with V and whoever else will listen. Look, #nospoilers, it’s just intense AF and there’s a lot to chew on. IF you’re into Marvel movies. If you’re not, this is very much not for you.
  • the wax melts Michelle sent me a few weeks ago. I haven’t gotten through them all, not even close, but they are a lovely addition to my hygge-themed living room.
  • Thai food. Been eating a lot of it lately. My aunt and uncle took us to Sala Thai last night and it was incredible.
  • also food-wise, Dove dark chocolates. I rediscovered a bag of them in a box that still holds most of my old work desk detritus. For years I’ve routinely kept bags of Dove dark chocolate squares at my desk, for obvious reasons. While I don’t have those exact stressors in my life now, I have different ones…and the chocolate helps.

The chocolate helps. And all God’s people said AMEN.

You’re So Vain

What beauty products have stood the test of time for you? Which ones do you squeeze the last drop out of and buy over and over again? What product do you love so much that you evangelize about it to your mom, your best friend, your accountant, your neighbor, the bus driver?

This is, I should say, not in any way a sponsored post, though I’m flattered you thought anyone might pay me to write about something so mundane. This is just another Molly Curiosity thing (maybe I should trademark that…) that I’m taking to the blog instead of posting directly on Facebook as I normally do. You can respond on FB, or Twitter, or here!

For me, it’s the Dove Beauty Bar for Sensitive Skin. I’ve been buying them for so long I can’t remember when I started, but it is a nonnegotiable part of my routine. I try to take it everywhere with me when I travel because I just. Do not. Feel. Clean without it. I get it in giant cases at Costco. And yes, it has to be the bar, not the body wash, because why? I don’t know, that’s just how I like it. Since it’s for “sensitive skin”, whatever that even means anymore, it’s unscented and that makes me sort of trust it more. My skin is a bit on the reactive side so I tend to prefer products without added fragrance when possible.

dove
I ❤ YOU I ❤ YOU I ❤ YOU

No matter how high-end/fussy the rest of my skincare routine gets (hello Soko Glam, please just create a store credit card and give me the highest possible credit limit) I always, always have to have my Dove bar. Plenty of people even use it on their face, which I absolutely do not (see: Soko Glam), but it seems to work for them. It’s economical and easy and does exactly what it’s supposed to do, nothing more and nothing less. I experiment with shampoo, makeup, vitamins, moisturizers, pretty much everything but what cleans my body in the shower. It’s boring and not very sexy and I couldn’t care less.

So please, share your own beauty loyalties with the class! We can all be vain together.

Ya Gotta Get With My Friends

I had such a beautiful afternoon with my friends today.

playground group.jpg

Hanging out on the playground together – and of course, just being at Lynn’s house – brought back a lot of lovely memories. We’ve all been friends for so long – and plenty of others belong in this group but weren’t able to be there today. So many unique relationships and histories. In this photo, the person I’ve known the longest is Tylor (~26 years) and the person I’ve known the shortest is Arika (still a really damn solid ~12 years!). And I feel beyond lucky that my husband is as much a part of this group as anyone else.

I’m just a total sap when it comes to my friends and this is the stuff I anguish over missing if we were to move away. On the plus side – I got a lovely little letter in the mail a few days ago from Michelle, so perhaps that is evidence that the art of keeping in touch via handwritten letters could be kept alive if I did move. You’d write me, wouldn’t you?

giphy.gif

Needy AF in addition to being a sap. Super attractive qualities!!

Things that have been keeping me from getting too depressed lately, despite circumstances remaining depressingly the same:

  • my longer more leisurely walks
  • the Good Christian Fun and Dear Prudence podcasts
  • grown-ish on Hulu, because I’m bizarrely fascinated by it even though it’s really weird and not at all subtle; the Youths are sort of a car crash I can’t look away from
  • thinking about going to India in July
  • thinking about how much fun Paris was
  • weekly wifey dinners (or semi-weekly…we do our best)

I should take a day to force myself to do nothing but write and like, go for a walk. But because writers are ace procrastinators (and I like to call myself a Writer now), I’d end up spring cleaning the shit out of this house instead . So win/win, maybe.

giphy (1).gif

Building/Rebuilding

Hello again and happy International Women’s Day. I hope you celebrated by reading something cool a woman wrote. And if not, well, here you are; I will have to do!

What’s new? Well…we have begun to contemplate moving. This is…emotionally fraught territory for me, for dozens of reasons. I am a Cancer, I don’t love change, I am a homebody who feels a strong sense of attachment to where I’m rooted. Madison is the only adult home I’ve ever had. I’ve had seven addresses in my thirteen years here but every single one of them (save the dorms) felt like home to me, because this city feels like home to me. It is, objectively, a great city for a youngish white woman in government and that’s why I came here. But now I’m not in government anymore and I have to rebuild somehow. My choices are to move, to enter a new field, or both.

All of my friends and family have, at some point, lived somewhere else and I envy that experience. They’ve grown and stretched themselves and lived in ways that I just haven’t. I’ve traveled, and I’m so glad for that, but of course spending less than a week somewhere running from monument to museum isn’t the same as finding an apartment, getting a job, searching for a new doctor, scouting out the best Indian food delivery. Making new friends, joining a gym or finding a few good walking routes, figuring out an alien city. Rebuilding a life, basically. All of that sounds terrifying and exhausting and…maybe fun? Maybe…the kind of challenge I haven’t had enough of?

I don’t make friends terribly easily. I am introverted to a fault. Most of my closest friendships will soon enter their second decade. Those people got to know me, and I them, before #adulting was a thing, when we were the purest and most honest versions of ourselves. We’ve all been several different people in the intervening years, as teenagers and college students and hungry 20somethings and now, in our thirties, I think we’re maybe, hopefully, back to some sense of authenticity. Not that those other selves were *in*authentic…but you know…Growth, building, learning. Images of beautiful smiling fit people hiking a mountain with clichéd hashtags abound.

Untitled document

You know what I mean.

So what else. In the absence of any formal job title, I have begun thinking of myself as A Writer, if not quite a Real Writer. I don’t do much Writing these days, or even much writing (see: neglect of this blog). I’ve published only one piece (which I will continue plugging until the day I die, or until I manage to publish something better, whichever comes first). Unemployment has not made me a much more productive writer, but it’s really about momentum…the more I do it, the more I’ll do it. So cheers to that.

FOMO is super real: the Paris edition

I thought about trying to write a post entirely in French but I think that would be far too taxing and time-consuming.

We’re in Paris! We love it!

So far, my stray observations from what I’ve seen, heard, smelled, tasted:

  • I know I should’ve expected it but yo, people smoke waaaaay too much here. Cigarettes I mean.
  • Don’t hate me but I think macarons are un peu overrated.
  • Good God do the Parisiennes love to shop, especially for shoes. Here a mall, there a mall, everywhere a mall mall. But of course, architecturally interesting and beautiful malls. I appreciate this about them.
  • There is so. Much. To see. I thought a week would be a good length of time but we’re already reprioritizing our must-see list to fit it all in. (Granted we did not help ourselves by way oversleeping yesterday and today.)
  • People really go ape shit over the Mona Lisa.
  • The métro is a delight.
  • We keep seeing people walking around just carrying only a baguette or two and it makes us giggle.
  • The Louvre is epic and it is beautiful and the crowds are really really…something else.

We wanted to see Mont St. Michel and Versailles, but those would both be a whole day thing probably, and there just isn’t time. Wah wah wah.

Off to see Notre Dame and, upon the recommendation of several people who know me well, the Shakespeare and Company bookstore. 🤓 Au revoir!

Today in Homeownership

We got a fair bit of snow over the weekend. V and I stayed on top of the driveway and sidewalk shoveling like the good citizens that we are. But overnight, the city plows kinda effed a big part of that up, as they are wont to do.

IMG-3584.JPG

We live on a corner lot. So sidewalk ramps are our responsibility. We had, of course, cleared it yesterday when we were doing the rest of the shoveling, but alas – overnight, the plows came, and left a very compact frozen block of snow in their wake. So I spent a good few hours this morning huffing and puffing and clearing that out. I am but one not very strong person. My arms are k i l l i n g me.

IMG-3587.JPG

But wait, the fun continues.

Over the past few days, V and I noticed an increasingly foul smell in the room we use as an office. After turning the room upside down looking for the culprit, we worried that it could be natural gas, so we did what you’re supposed to do and called MG&E. We evacuated the house, Isis in tow in her little carrier, while a guy inspected and informed us that it was probably a dead mouse. Hurrah!

This morning in the middle of my shoveling extravaganza, we had a pest removal company come by. He drilled a small hole in an expertly chosen area of the ceiling to reveal a little mouse tail, attached to a very dead mouse.

IMG-3585.JPG

(On the positive side, the pest control guy was super nice and we bonded over being in interracial marriages – he’s Cambodian, married to a Caucasian woman).

So it’s been just a banner day in homeownership, friends. Between all the excitement I have eaten three things thus far, two of which are Super Bowl party leftovers: two (three?) brownie bites, a handful of jalapeno ranch Ruffles, and a clementine. I am now going to go take an unreasonably long, extremely hot bath. It’s only 1:30pm; who knows what fresh horrors – or joys!? – the day may yet bring.

Winter Quiet

It’s been snowing for…awhile now. Over 24 hours. And it’s not letting up yet. I don’t mind this at all, honestly. This is what’s supposed to happen in winter. And I love my cozy living room the most when it’s cold and white outside.

As lame as unemployment generally is, I don’t hate this part: getting to stay home and snuggle up with the cat and a book and a blanket.

Last night when the snow had really started accumulating, around 11, V and I bundled up and stood outside in the driveway for a few minutes to watch. It was so, so quiet, in the way that it only ever is during nighttime snowfall. I love that.

 

And I love that my California/India man has grown to love this snowy and frigid environment almost as much as I do.

That’s all, really. I just wanted to share some of this peace with you.

Donald Trump Makes Me Not Want To Get Pregnant

My internal clock is all kinds of screwed up. Normally I would be in bed right now, reading a few pages before turning out the lights. Ever since I became unemployed, time has basically no meaning. I go to bed late and get up…sometimes when Shak leaves, sometimes later, sometimes earlier. The days have little to no structure. I try to go for walks and write when the muse strikes (not often enough). I work on keeping the house presentable and cuddle with Isis and read – although we’re eleven days into 2018 and I’ve only finished one book.

Unemployed, yes. For the first time since college and it’s weird as hell. The circumstances, to put it mildly, are not ideal. My highly supportive loved ones have rallied around me and encouraged me to think of this unexpected work hiatus as a chance to get my writing career off the ground. So I’m working on that, in fits and starts.

And today the president called the countries of origin of some (brown) immigrants “shitholes” and apparently somehow people are surprised…? He noted that he would prefer more (white) immigrants from, say, Norway. Today and tonight in particular he seems exceptionally unhinged, but I know I’ll be saying the same thing a week or two weeks from now when the next previously unfathomable thing happens. If there’s anyone on Earth whose stream of consciousness should not be broadcast to the billions, it’s the one who has both the nuclear launch codes and the mental health of a drunken racist dotard. I don’t like blaming his all-around abject terribleness on senility – he doesn’t deserve that kind of a pass – but I think there is a strong case to be made that he is not a well man.

I don’t know if this is normal to do or not – and I’d love to hear from anyone else who has had similar thoughts – but honest to God, the current occupant of the White House is affecting the feelings I have about getting pregnant. I’ve been open about that not being an easy road for us, and it’s kind of a mind fuck to be taking all these extra (expensive) steps to try to get pregnant when I’m simultaneously really freaked out about the world into which I’d be bringing a kid. You’d think that a couple who undergoes fertility treatments would be like, really 1000% sure about the desired outcome. Unvarnished truth be told, it’s a little murky sometimes. Because I don’t know how I feel about ultra-deliberately bringing a child into a world where nuclear war is a more realistic fear than ever and climate change is severely fucking up our environment in ways that are increasingly difficult to work around and oh yeah, brown kids in the US aren’t super safe.

When I get really stressed out about the current state of things, I try to remember some Bible verse (for real) about there being nothing new under the sun. I’ve always found that idea comforting. The world’s been a hot mess forever, but it’s all cyclical, it will not be like this forever, etc.

I swear to God if anyone comments on this blog saying anything to the effect of “just adopt!!” they will be dead to me. I mean maybe we will, I don’t know, but don’t act like it’s just that simple.

I got myself a pint of Halo Top chocolate chip cookie dough and while it’s not unenjoyable, the cookie dough pieces are about the size of a baby ant and that’s a real downer. People hate on Halo Top but I think it’s decent.

That’s my stream of consciousness for tonight. I did spare you my thoughts on the season 5 episode of 90210 I had on while writing this. So you’re welcome for that, and also for this.

Image result for 90210 meme