homeownership – Sconnie Molly

Oh, it’s…December? huh

Ashwin has been sick for the last 36 hours or so. We took him to the ER last night because he was so incredibly lethargic and refusing all food/water and throwing up and had a fever. All of the things. I don’t know if I’d ever been in an ER before, and had heard horror stories of people being turned away during the pandemic (aka currently) for lack of beds and/or staff to treat folks. Fortunately that didn’t happen to us, and didn’t appear to be happening to anybody else there. He was eventually given an anti-nausea medicine and soon was acting like his old active self so we were discharged – but then this morning, it was back to Lethargy Town. He napped for 3+ hours and woke up much better, so basically it’s just seesawing and I’m really not a fan of this rollercoaster. I don’t want him to be sick when he wakes up again.

Seeing your kid – your baby – like that is levels of shitty that I was not prepared for. Anyone who has met Ashwin, or even seen him on social media, knows that he’s an active, engaging, curious, giggly dude. Yesterday and this morning he was exactly the opposite. Not interested in a damn thing besides being held, which of course V and I were happy to oblige, but it’s hard to enjoy those cuddles when you don’t know what’s making him act so out of character.

I know it’s only a stomach bug. It’s not the end of the world. He will be fine. All of that. I think both V and I experienced some Seattle NICU flashbacks waiting in that ER, so remembering how tiny and fragile he was then just made the whole night more emotional. But he’s come a long way, my boy.

***

Momming in general has me thinking lately about innocence. As a kid/teenager I thought “innocence” was such a crock, so overrated. Like please just leave me the fuck alone and let me learn things for myself. Of course, from the parent perspective, it’s about protection and not wanting any harm to come your kid’s way…literally the most understandable impulse in the universe. I skim Twitter and dread the day when I have to start explaining to Ashwin what anti-vaxxers are, who Brett Kavanaugh is, why the bad orange man fucked the country for decades to come, and where exactly all those people without homes at Reindahl Park are supposed to go. And that’s just barely scratching the surface. It’s a horrible goddamn world, and I know that really there is nothing new under the sun, but it sure feels like things are unprecedently bad right now.

I know there is a ton of beauty in the world; I know there are tons and tons of good people. I have seen it and I know them. I know they tend not to make the headlines and the headlines are a big part of what’s making me crazy and being on Twitter and the internet as a whole less often would probably improve my situation. But try as I might, I can never stay away for too long.

***

Our house-hunting journey ended up being much shorter than anticipated. We got an accepted offer less than a month after first meeting with our realtor (the esteemed and beloved Kelda Roys) and we close in a couple of weeks. At every turn, the sellers have been really accommodating and reasonable and it’s been miraculously different from the current standard real estate narrative of cash offers, paying way way over asking price, not getting an inspection, etc. And while we’re not exactly in the part of town I hoped to be in, we are in the city of Madison, and that was a big deal to me.

Sometimes I think this whole blog is basically just me saying over and over “something kinda shitty happened, but it’s not THAT bad, I’m actually super lucky, so you know what never mind!!!!!!! Here’s an ironic meme, byeeee” Not sure if that’s more or less annoying than just complaining all the time or just nonstop cooing about how fortunate I am. *shrug emoji* Guess we’ll never know!!!

***

What I’m Reading:

God, I’ve got like six books going right now and can’t seem to make headway with any of them. But I most recently finished The Laziness Lie, which I absolutely insist you read if you’ve ever felt exhausted and burned out by life. So yeah, 100% of us. It’s short, you’ll love it, it was a balm to my soul and I will probably buy it and loan it out to whoever will listen to me.

What I’m Watching:

Obviously Succession, which just keeps getting better and better. Also the Dexter revival, which…is a bit hackneyed so far but I’m willing to go with it and see what happens. Also Hawkeye, a true holiday delight, and when I get the chance, SELLING muthafuckin SUNSET. Maybe this is my version of watching the Kardashians. I can live with that. I eat that luxury real estate/incredibly petty drama/plastic surgery overload shit up.

What I’m Looking Forward To:

Closing on the house and moving in, which probably won’t happen until the new year, but that will give us time to do some painting and clean the carpets and yada yada yada.

Also I must admit that I’m very curiously and sentimentally awaiting “And Just Like That…“. Will it be actually good? I mean, maybe? Will it be schmaltzy? For sure I think. Part of me would prefer to keep Carrie et al forever in their 30s, where I am comfortable, and doesn’t really want to see the aging and the changing and the ~*mid-life discoveries*~ that seem inevitable and scary and very un-fun.

What I’m Fuming About:

I can’t read too much about this cynical partisan buffoonery that is incredibly harmful for democracy or I will really and truly lose my mind. Any news in this general category raises my rage meter like very little else, because it’s something I actually have intimate knowledge of and I used to deal with these people and I know just how much of an obscene clown show it all is.

What I’m Listening To:

The Phineas and Ferb theme song occasionally alternating with the Bluey theme song. I will spare your brain and not link to them.

Just a big wuss now, I guess

I started watching Maid on Netflix, because I loved the book a few years ago. I remembered it as an inspiring memoir of a single mom who worked incredibly hard at a really shitty job, so that she and her daughter could be okay. And that’s basically what it is. But I don’t know if it’s the really good acting or if I’m just a lot more sensitive than I used to be – and I have always been VERY SENSITIVE! – but I couldn’t really take it. I turned it off as the daughter was having a tantrum in the car because she lost her doll, and the mom had just been told she had to go back and finish a cleaning job because the client was unhappy with it, and she’s got like literally $2 to her name, and she hasn’t eaten all day, and she’s homeless, because her daughter’s father is a violent alcoholic. Like…that’s just so much shit. Just one of those things would be hard enough on its own.

Ever since Ashwin was born I’ve had a really hard time watching anything where children are endangered or in any kind of bad situation. It completely stresses me out, which is the opposite of what I’m looking for when I watch TV or movies. I never thought I’d be someone who didn’t want to watch something because it was “too violent” – like, that just makes me think of a very square little Victorian lady with delicate sensibilities.

I know that the plot of Maid is real life for a lot of people, because this country seems to believe that any kind of real safety net is socialism. I’ve read so many books to that effect, so much investigative journalism and muckraking about the innumerable ills of our world: racism, sexism, classism, homophobia, tax cheats, bad schools, an increasingly shitty environment, xenophobia, crumbling infrastructure.

But honestly? My daily life is pretty distant from most of that. My privileges have sheltered me. So to turn away from something like Maid, something that’s hard but very real, feels to me like I’m copping out. If other people have to live it, I should at a minimum be able to bear witness. That’s the literal least I can do. Lately though, I just can’t – not without going down a really dark rabbit hole in my psyche. I’m using my privilege to shield me from things I find simply too sad, because I have that luxury.

***

We’ve started house-hunting. Yes, I know how the market is. Yes, I am anxious about it. No, we’re not going to keep renting. We are somehow going to buy a home in the next few months, come hell or high water. We at least know some things from our first home-buying rodeo: namely, that corner houses are the worst November through March, kitchens are a big deal, and yard maintenance is an evil time suck best left to professionals.

What I’m Reading:

Most recently finished “The Heart’s Invisible Furies” by John Boyne. It’s basically the life story of a gay Irishman born in the 1940s or 1950s, when gay was absolutely 10000% not an okay thing to be or even speak of. It’s a beautiful story with a perfect happy ending.

Now I’ve started “You Got Anything Stronger?” by Gabrielle Union, because Gabrielle Union is one of those celebrities I’m weirdly fascinated by and I just like her.

What I’m Watching:

We finally finished Veep, which had THE BEST finale episode of any TV show I know. Now we’re catching up on Brooklyn Nine Nine (kind of dropping in quality as it ends) and Ted Lasso (brilliant, every week).

What I’m Listening To:

Random songs from mix CDs of decades past.

What I’m Looking Forward To:

More fall color. Actual fall weather.

July is always weird

My home currently does not look like a place where two semi-sloppy people live and eat and sleep and play and bathe, but rather a place carefully and meticulously staged to remove any semblance of personality in order to entice the largest number of prospective buyers. Because that’s what we’re tryna do here. It’s been a weird week.

In my haste to get the house picture-perfect for listing photos, I misplaced my to-do list notebook. Couldn’t find it for two days, aka a goddamn eternity in to-do list time. Tonight, discovered I had (totally intentionally) put it in the microwave. Out of sight out of mind!!!!

Anyway – I am going to miss this house a lot. We looked at sooo many before finally getting an accepted offer on this one. So many other offers had fallen through or been rejected. But as always, things worked out like they were supposed to; this was the right house for us. It has its quirks and imperfections and scars, some of which we’ve grown to love and others we merely tolerate. We learned that owning a corner lot in a snowy state is double the work. We learned that outdoor maintenance is not, in fact, optional. We learned that some neighbors take their own lawns very very seriously and God help you if your lawn begins to threaten theirs with “weed creep”. And that those neighbors will report you to the city in a heartbeat if your arbor vitae branches begin to bend over the sidewalk under the municipally-mandated 7 foot clearance.

It’s been a trip.

One thing I will NOT miss about this house is how so many of the electrical outlets and light switch plates are not installed levelly. I swear at least two thirds of them are crooked AF, making hanging stuff in their vicinity quite a challenge because it will end up looking off even if it is perfectly level.

I’ve been wanting to write but lacking inspiration, hence this pretty dull post.

What I’m Reading:

“The H-Spot: The Feminist Pursuit of Happiness” by Jill Filipovic. I’m not very far into it yet but the premise – that society should make the happiness of women an explicit goal – is an interesting one for which I’m very curious to see the case made. It sounds kind of preposterous when you put it like that…but I’m betting Filipovic will make s pretty convincing argument.

What I’m Watching:

My Hero Academia

Twitter thread on it.

What I’m fuming about:

Look, the list is a mile long like always, but I don’t feel like getting into the geopolitical muck today. I will limit my fumes to 1) the utterly Kafkaesque absurdity that is Indian travel bureaucracy, and 2) the fact that teleportation does not yet exist and my cat and I have to endure 4.5 hours of air travel when we move to Seattle and I’m SO WORRIED ABOUT HER YOU GUYS SHE’S KIND OF OLD AND WHAT ABOUT THE AIR PRESSURE AND IS SHE GOING TO PUKE EVERYWHERE AND/OR MEOW INCESSANTLY AND DEAR GOD WHAT IF SHE POOPS OR PEES? More critically WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO CALL HER WHILE TRAVELING BECAUSE IT SURE AS SHIT CAN’T BE HER REAL NAME.

One or both of us is going to need to be highly medicated for that trip.

Growing

Whew, shit has been busy.

Last week I helped out at the Black Women’s Leadership Conference, hosted by the visionary Sabrina Madison.

On Saturday I celebrated my beloved Christina’s graduation from her PhD program in Connecticut.

These sisters are very, very special to me. In high school they let me into their family and I got the little sister I’d always wanted in Christina. She is a brilliant, creative, extraordinarily kind, and sweet woman of whom I am just so proud. I’m sad that she’s moving back east soon, but such is the life of an academic, and I want her to thrive no matter where she happens to be.

And again/still, I have some other cool things happening that I want to talk about but can’t yet (not a pregnancy).

I did a bit of gardening today. As I explained on Facebook, “gardening” for me basically meant ripping up weeds and cleaning up a couple of piles of leaves that we neglected to rake last fall. There was one spot in particular where a lot of leaves had settled in for the winter and really made themselves at home. I cleaned that all up and now we have to reseed that part of the lawn.

I don’t know a damn thing about plants. I mean I really really don’t. I ran into my old botany professor at Christina’s graduation party, and God bless that woman for giving me a C back then, because God knows I probably did not deserve it. I can’t identify anything. When my brother came to build the mudroom closet for us a couple weekends ago, my sister-in-law kindly walked around the house with V and me and told us what each plant we had was (and what was just weeds). She even helped us pick out some pretty perennials at Home Depot, almost none of which I can recall by name now. Violas? Yarrows? *shrug emoji* This isn’t going to be like, a huge new hobby of mine, but I am trying to put a little more time and effort into the yard this year.

Now that the warmth appears to be here to stay, shit just keeps getting busier. This weekend V and I are finally going to visit Door County and hopefully take some pretty hikes and enjoy the scenery. Next weekend we will be celebrating the golden birthday of my beloved friends’ beloved daughter. The weekend after that we will be back up north, this time further, to have a big ol’ family gathering at my sister-in-law’s cabin. Then, following that, we are throwing a party for my parents’ 40th anniversary. Whew. It’s all good stuff, really fun stuff, but kind of exhausting when you think of it all at once.

These past six months have been difficult at times, mentally more than anything, because I keep having to remind myself that being un(der)employed doesn’t inherently mean anything negative about me as a person. It’s all in my own head.

Not really related to that, but also on the mental health subject – literally every day, I have to remind myself that I am a grown ass woman who can make her own valid choices without deference given to impressing, placating, or accommodating anyone else.

What I’m reading:

Um, actually, nothing book-wise. I finished Asymmetry, and liked it but didn’t love it. On deck are Sunburn, by Laura Lippman and possibly a rereading of Virgin by Hanne Blank.
This NYT article would be very interesting for any fans of Arrested Development. Reading their reckoning of the allegations against Jeffrey Tambor is…illuminating. Jason Bateman really goes to bat for Tambor in a big way.

What I’m fuming about:

The NFL’s shameful new national anthem policy. The league’s relationship with the military, explained well here; the owner of the Jets had an encouraging response (though why he didn’t vote against the policy, instead of abstaining, is a mystery); appropriately scorching take by The Root

What I’m watching:

Deadpool, last night. If you liked the first one you are sure to enjoy the second. If you didn’t, I’m sure I don’t need to tell you to stay away. But I enjoyed it. I like my superheroes self-aware and sweary (but I also like Captain America, so…the opposite too)
I gave up on Westworld. #sorrynotsorry

Today in Homeownership

We got a fair bit of snow over the weekend. V and I stayed on top of the driveway and sidewalk shoveling like the good citizens that we are. But overnight, the city plows kinda effed a big part of that up, as they are wont to do.

We live on a corner lot. So sidewalk ramps are our responsibility. We had, of course, cleared it yesterday when we were doing the rest of the shoveling, but alas – overnight, the plows came, and left a very compact frozen block of snow in their wake. So I spent a good few hours this morning huffing and puffing and clearing that out. I am but one not very strong person. My arms are k i l l i n g me.

But wait, the fun continues.

Over the past few days, V and I noticed an increasingly foul smell in the room we use as an office. After turning the room upside down looking for the culprit, we worried that it could be natural gas, so we did what you’re supposed to do and called MG&E. We evacuated the house, Isis in tow in her little carrier, while a guy inspected and informed us that it was probably a dead mouse. Hurrah!

This morning in the middle of my shoveling extravaganza, we had a pest removal company come by. He drilled a small hole in an expertly chosen area of the ceiling to reveal a little mouse tail, attached to a very dead mouse.

(On the positive side, the pest control guy was super nice and we bonded over being in interracial marriages – he’s Cambodian, married to a Caucasian woman).

So it’s been just a banner day in homeownership, friends. Between all the excitement I have eaten three things thus far, two of which are Super Bowl party leftovers: two (three?) brownie bites, a handful of jalapeno ranch Ruffles, and a clementine. I am now going to go take an unreasonably long, extremely hot bath. It’s only 1:30pm; who knows what fresh horrors – or joys!? – the day may yet bring.