moving – Sconnie Molly

Goodbye, Pretty City

Oof, I do hate goodbyes, even to non-human entities.

We’ve packed about as much as we can. I’ve set up our mail forwarding. Tonight V is having delivery from our favorite Indian restaurant, Nirmal’s. (I’m not, because last time we ordered from them my kadhai paneer was TUMBA KARRA (that is Kannada for WAY TOO SPICY) and my blonde ass couldn’t take the heat.)

It’s been a strange two years here. Last summer I had the great opportunity to work at Minerva Strategies, where I was actually able to use my skills for positive, quasi-philanthropic ends. I really liked working with such driven, like-minded, badass women and I wish it could’ve lasted longer. I wish it wasn’t essentially the only professional experience I had here in Seattle. The beginning of my pregnancy overlapped with the end of my internship, and it didn’t seem like a logical time to find a new full-time job, so…I didn’t. I walked dogs and incubated a human and tried very hard to establish a sense of self-worth and purpose that wasn’t tied to my economic and professional productivity. (Did you know that that’s actually really fucking hard to do?)

I wasn’t terribly successful in making friends. We got to know a few people doing bar trivia, which was extremely fun until I got pregnant and could no longer drink, nor tolerate large noisy crowds. We hung out with those people outside of the bar a couple times, but as I worked on packing up our living room today, I realized that we never had anyone over. In the entire two years we lived here, we never had guests who weren’t preexisting friends or family. I’m embarrassed to admit that but it’s true.

Ultimately though, we did what we came here to do. V got invaluable work experience, I got to live somewhere other than south-central Wisconsin, and we successfully utilized our incredible insurance to conceive a baby through in vitro fertilization. THIS BABY:

So to me, it’s very much a success. And there is a lot here that I will miss. I’m starting to kind of accept that missing things/places/people is just a natural constant state in adulthood (I guess in childhood too for some people, but for me, not really until my twenties). While in Seattle, I miss the absolute hell out of my friends and family and my favorite Madison places. Once we are back in Madison, I know I’m going to miss the mountains, Pike Place, the different neighborhoods (Queen Anne most of all of course), the parks, Biscuit Bitch, Stuhlberg’s. But that won’t mean we made the wrong decision in moving back, just like how much I have missed my Wisconsin family and friends and things does not mean that moving to Seattle was the wrong decision. You just can’t be in two places at once, and so for me, when it’s time to ~SeTtLe DoWn~, I need to be where most of my people are. Where my village is.

Once we get settled, I hope I can start writing again. Or maybe writing and working. I don’t know yet how I will navigate the whole career+motherhood tangle…I’m sure it will take some time and, like everything, some trial and error. But I am happy that I’ll get to figure it out at home.

What I’m reading:

Just finished Such A Fun Age, which was just as good as the hype and whose Goodreads rating is a disgrace. Kiley Reid does great dialogue.
Now onto These Ghosts Are Family which is a multigenerational family drama partially set in Haiti – definitely gonna be good.

What I’m listening to:

“Sonic Boom“, still. It’s really good!

What I’m watching:

Just began “The Babysitters Club” on Netflix and like every elder millennial woman, am flush with adoration and glowing nostalgia for a simpler time.

To All The Crazy Rich Asians I’ve Set Up (or, how to cope with tough transitions via the movies)

We watched Set It Up tonight. I’m absolutely loving this romcom revival thing happening. Crazy Rich Asians, To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before, now Set It Up – like the industry finally got the message that 1) romcoms can be amazing if you don’t treat women like objects/audiences like they’re stupid; 2) romcoms (like basically all movies) are way better when they’re diverse; 3) THE WORLD IS ON FIRE 24/7 AND WE NEED SOME GODDAMN PEACE AND HAPPINESS AND JOY IN OUR LIVES and if that has to come to us via Netflix and/or the nearest AMC/Regal theater, so fucking be it.

I’m 100% serious when I say to you that these three movies have significantly improved my quality of life over the last month. Because life has been a bit of a chaotic mess. We moved across the country. We haven’t been able to sell our house. I still don’t have a “real” “job”. Our apartment, though very nice, has far more boxes than any sub-900 square foot space should, and we keep ordering shit online so they KEEP MULTIPLYING. (Necessary shit! I swear! A toaster, a bathtub stopper, cat food…) So when I can sit down after a long day of unpacking and purging crap we should’ve gotten rid of before we moved, and watch two dorks fall in love despite their stupid selves, while eating ice cream or pizza or Thai or $10 popcorn with my husband, you better believe I’m gonna do it. I need to do it.

Of the three, I’d say To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before is my favorite, so if you want to pick just one to watch (though you should really watch all three), go with Laura Jean.

In other news. The weather has turned from hot and sunny to cool and cloudy and I couldn’t be happier. Walking three blocks vertically (stairs upon stairs upon stairs) is a lot less grotesque when it’s 70 and not 88. And it’s nice to do phone calls when I’m on my way home doing the descent. If you want a phone date, hit me up to get on the walk-and-talk schedule.

What I’m reading:

Roxane Gay’s Ayiti, which was her first book and the only one in her canon I haven’t yet devoured. It’s short stories, like Difficult Women, and although that is not my favorite genre of writing it is still obviously really really good.

What I’m watching:

Well we already covered that in part, but I’ve also started binging Brooklyn 99. I had seen a few episodes awhile back but didn’t get into it, and I’m now correcting that error. Boyle is my favorite. Literally everything he says makes me laugh. It’s another pure joy I’m glad to have in my life right now.

What I’m fuming about:

How we’ll never have meaningful gun control in this country, just more hashtags and thoughts and prayers
Climate change in general has been on my mind lately, as Madison floods and Seattle has Mumbai-esque air quality and something about an ice shelf melting in Antarctica
Lots more but I don’t feel like wallowing in the muck today.

Chapter 1, Week 1

We’re here and it’s taken me a few days to gather my thoughts, I guess.

Moving day itself was a predictable shitshow, but all three of us survived the plane ride, despite Isis’s very clear displeasure. Actually “moving in” to our apartment wasn’t terribly difficult since all we had was a few suitcases (okay fine, 5) and an air mattress. All of our stuff is supposed to arrive (🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻) on Tuesday. At that point, I think it’ll start feeling a little more like home. A totally empty, echo-y living room doesn’t do much for the hygge vibes.

We’ve had a fun time exploring this week. We visited Discovery Park and Alki Beach and procured library cards and gone to two, yes two, movies (BlackKklansman and Crazy Rich Asians) and tomorrow night we’re going to go to a Seattle Storm game (WNBA) to satisfy my inner 10-year-old who so loved the fact that a women’s professional basketball league was finally being created. Who cares if the SuperSonics franchise moved to Oklahoma – we’ve got the Storm, baby.

(BlackKlansman was really really good but if we’re comparing Jordan Peele movies, I think Get Out is superior. Crazy Rich Asians was a lot of fun and it was refreshing to see a non-idiotic but also non-emo romcom in theaters again – God, it feels like it’s been forever – but I know from my Twitter feed that Awkwafina’s “blaccent” rubbed some people the wrong way. That’s really not my argument to have, though. And the whole character of Awkwafina’s brother, how his whole deal was just being really creepy towards Rachel, Constance Wu’s character? What the hell was that? Everything is at least a little problematic these days.)

Anyway. I really love Queen Anne. I’m glad we chose this spot.

Today we largely got around downtown/Capitol Hill/QA without using Google maps 😎 which I think is quite the victory. Downtown is still pretty confusing in spots but it helps that the theater we have chosen as our own is right across the street from the hotel we stayed at on two different trips – so we’re pretty familiar with the area.

I’m a little homesick, but not terribly so yet. I say yet because I know at some point it’s going to hit me hard and I’m very much not looking forward to that. FaceTime and Snapchat have helped a lot, actually. I need to get more Snapchat-proficient. I’ve actually been wearing Wisconsin-themed clothes all week because that’s just what I packed, totally unintentionally. I’m still checking Madison.com every day. I’m not forgetting where home actually really is.

July is always weird

My home currently does not look like a place where two semi-sloppy people live and eat and sleep and play and bathe, but rather a place carefully and meticulously staged to remove any semblance of personality in order to entice the largest number of prospective buyers. Because that’s what we’re tryna do here. It’s been a weird week.

In my haste to get the house picture-perfect for listing photos, I misplaced my to-do list notebook. Couldn’t find it for two days, aka a goddamn eternity in to-do list time. Tonight, discovered I had (totally intentionally) put it in the microwave. Out of sight out of mind!!!!

Anyway – I am going to miss this house a lot. We looked at sooo many before finally getting an accepted offer on this one. So many other offers had fallen through or been rejected. But as always, things worked out like they were supposed to; this was the right house for us. It has its quirks and imperfections and scars, some of which we’ve grown to love and others we merely tolerate. We learned that owning a corner lot in a snowy state is double the work. We learned that outdoor maintenance is not, in fact, optional. We learned that some neighbors take their own lawns very very seriously and God help you if your lawn begins to threaten theirs with “weed creep”. And that those neighbors will report you to the city in a heartbeat if your arbor vitae branches begin to bend over the sidewalk under the municipally-mandated 7 foot clearance.

It’s been a trip.

One thing I will NOT miss about this house is how so many of the electrical outlets and light switch plates are not installed levelly. I swear at least two thirds of them are crooked AF, making hanging stuff in their vicinity quite a challenge because it will end up looking off even if it is perfectly level.

I’ve been wanting to write but lacking inspiration, hence this pretty dull post.

What I’m Reading:

“The H-Spot: The Feminist Pursuit of Happiness” by Jill Filipovic. I’m not very far into it yet but the premise – that society should make the happiness of women an explicit goal – is an interesting one for which I’m very curious to see the case made. It sounds kind of preposterous when you put it like that…but I’m betting Filipovic will make s pretty convincing argument.

What I’m Watching:

My Hero Academia

Twitter thread on it.

What I’m fuming about:

Look, the list is a mile long like always, but I don’t feel like getting into the geopolitical muck today. I will limit my fumes to 1) the utterly Kafkaesque absurdity that is Indian travel bureaucracy, and 2) the fact that teleportation does not yet exist and my cat and I have to endure 4.5 hours of air travel when we move to Seattle and I’m SO WORRIED ABOUT HER YOU GUYS SHE’S KIND OF OLD AND WHAT ABOUT THE AIR PRESSURE AND IS SHE GOING TO PUKE EVERYWHERE AND/OR MEOW INCESSANTLY AND DEAR GOD WHAT IF SHE POOPS OR PEES? More critically WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO CALL HER WHILE TRAVELING BECAUSE IT SURE AS SHIT CAN’T BE HER REAL NAME.

One or both of us is going to need to be highly medicated for that trip.

idk about you, but i’m feeling 32

It was my birthday a few days ago and I was lucky enough to celebrate with a whole lot of family and friends.

I had so much fucking fun, you guys.

I don’t understand people who dislike birthdays. They say it’s “depressing” because you’re “getting older” or whatever. Like…yes, but also…so??? Isn’t getting older vastly better than the alternative? Don’t you realize you are *lucky* to be getting older? My birthday is possibly the least depressing day of the year. Last night was certainly one of my best nights of the year thus far. Sure, we’re not 22 anymore, but there’s no stasis in this life. Onward, I say. Celebrate being alive and being loved whenever possible, and what better excuse than a birthday?

My life is not exactly what I thought it would be at 32. I guess most obviously, I thought I’d be a mom by now. But it’s not time yet, apparently. And I love my life the way it is.

Moving day (actual date TBD) draws nearer. The house will be going on the market soon; there’s already a sign in the yard. It’s very very surreal.

What I’m reading:

I just finished “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” by Mark Manson. It wasn’t anything earth shattering, philosophy-wise, but worth it nonetheless as a reminder to organize life’s priorities appropriately.

What I’m watching:

I’m almost done with season 2 of Queen Sugar. Kofi Siriboe is breaking my heart.
We saw Uncle Drew a couple nights ago and we two former basketball kids loved seeing Shaq, Reggie Miller, Nate Robinson, Lisa Leslie, et al play super geriatric. If only Michael could’ve been persuaded to participate.

What I’m fuming about:

Jesus, where to begin. I was really freaked out, for lack of a better word, by Justice Anthony Kennedy’s retirement announcement. If anyone ever previously considered him to be a friend of progress and women’s rights and LGBT rights and just good things in general, surely they’ve now been disabused of that notion. I just can’t believe he would choose to retire NOW. I haven’t read much yet of the whisperings regarding his son and some Trump financial dealings, so maybe that was a factor, or maybe not, I don’t know. I only know that Roe v. Wade is in serious peril and if it is indeed overturned, women. Are. Going. To. Die. Because you don’t ever outlaw abortion; you only outlaw safe abortion. And Roe is far from the only matter affected. This is going to touch everything from the environment to immigration to education to foreign affairs to campaign finance to gerrymandering to…you get the picture. Really dark stuff.
The World Cup, here and there. Soccer is not really my jam normally and I still can’t pay attention to a full 90 minute match, but I can appreciate the drama and interesting storylines. If Russia wins though I may never watch again.

Curveball…

I have news.

You know how I’ve been unemployed for like…kind of awhile now?

A couple months ago I was feeling angry and bitter about it and I told V that maybe I would have better luck finding a job somewhere else; maybe Madison is too small, maybe my reputation has been maligned so much that nobody here will hire me. I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself exactly, just trying to look at the situation realistically. So V, being the supportive partner that he is, started looking elsewhere for a job of his own. Over the last two months he’s had a lot of semi-stressful interviews with a lot of different companies kind of all over the place. Then Amazon invited him for an in-person interview in Seattle a couple weeks ago; we went. They offered him a pretty sweet job and he took it and…we are moving to Seattle.

Still having trouble recognizing that as reality, even just typing it: we are moving.

Anyone who knows me knows I love Madison and I love Wisconsin – like hello, what did I name my blog? It’s part of my identity. And I love my family and my friends almost to the point of pathology. So while this might’ve been a no-brainer opportunity for some people, it wasn’t for me. We have such roots here with my family and our friends. We have this lovely home. When we bought it two years ago, moving to another city was nowhere on our radar. We both had good jobs that we more or less enjoyed. But a lot has changed. I don’t have a job, or prospects of a job, and six months of that has worn pretty thin. Much as it pains me to say, a lady can only take so many walks.

So as I’ve told everyone that I’ve discussed this with so far, I’m a huge mixed bag of emotions. Happy, excited, proud, scared, anxious, sad, apprehensive, curious. Honestly sometimes the negative emotions have been stomping their way to the forefront more often than I’d like. In that spirit of combating that, here’s a little list of things I am looking forward to:

not shoveling snow
not having a Cold War with my neighbor over our lawn
being able to go to Elliott Bay Book Company ANYTIME I WANT
- sooo many awesome lady writers from Seattle: Ijeoma Oluo, Lindy West, Jill Filipovic, Carrie Brownstein! (I’m not going to link them all to Goodreads because I’m lazy but you should read all their shit)
better shopping in general
more racial diversity (which I know Seattle is not exactly known for, but it’s certainly more diverse than here…#perspective)
those gorgeous views

Another time I’ll make a list of things I’m anxious about. Won’t that be fun! I can guarantee it will be highly detailed and really pathetic.

The thing is, everyone else has already done this. My parents did this (Missouri and Michigan). My closest friends did this (all over the country and all over the damn world). Hell, my brother did this (Florida). It’s usually when people are in their 20s, I guess, that they venture out to wherever they fancy. I didn’t. I don’t know exactly why I didn’t. If you’d asked me when I was 16 what the next decade of my life would hold, I certainly wouldn’t have said “only leaving Wisconsin for vacations”. I mean at 16 I had no concept of things like tuition or literally anything and thought I was going to go east for college at Sarah Lawrence (because Julia Stiles wanted to go there so bad in 10 Things I Hate About You and she was everything to me). But what I’m trying to say is, I didn’t do it then, so if I don’t now…when will I? When I’m like…retired? Silly, everyone knows millennials don’t get to retire.

It’ll be an absolutely bananas next couple of months. Definitely gonna lose my shit more than once. For sure. But I’m gonna make it.