Oof, I do hate goodbyes, even to non-human entities.
We’ve packed about as much as we can. I’ve set up our mail forwarding. Tonight V is having delivery from our favorite Indian restaurant, Nirmal’s. (I’m not, because last time we ordered from them my kadhai paneer was TUMBA KARRA (that is Kannada for WAY TOO SPICY) and my blonde ass couldn’t take the heat.)
It’s been a strange two years here. Last summer I had the great opportunity to work at Minerva Strategies, where I was actually able to use my skills for positive, quasi-philanthropic ends. I really liked working with such driven, like-minded, badass women and I wish it could’ve lasted longer. I wish it wasn’t essentially the only professional experience I had here in Seattle. The beginning of my pregnancy overlapped with the end of my internship, and it didn’t seem like a logical time to find a new full-time job, so…I didn’t. I walked dogs and incubated a human and tried very hard to establish a sense of self-worth and purpose that wasn’t tied to my economic and professional productivity. (Did you know that that’s actually really fucking hard to do?)
I wasn’t terribly successful in making friends. We got to know a few people doing bar trivia, which was extremely fun until I got pregnant and could no longer drink, nor tolerate large noisy crowds. We hung out with those people outside of the bar a couple times, but as I worked on packing up our living room today, I realized that we never had anyone over. In the entire two years we lived here, we never had guests who weren’t preexisting friends or family. I’m embarrassed to admit that but it’s true.
Ultimately though, we did what we came here to do. V got invaluable work experience, I got to live somewhere other than south-central Wisconsin, and we successfully utilized our incredible insurance to conceive a baby through in vitro fertilization. THIS BABY:
So to me, it’s very much a success. And there is a lot here that I will miss. I’m starting to kind of accept that missing things/places/people is just a natural constant state in adulthood (I guess in childhood too for some people, but for me, not really until my twenties). While in Seattle, I miss the absolute hell out of my friends and family and my favorite Madison places. Once we are back in Madison, I know I’m going to miss the mountains, Pike Place, the different neighborhoods (Queen Anne most of all of course), the parks, Biscuit Bitch, Stuhlberg’s. But that won’t mean we made the wrong decision in moving back, just like how much I have missed my Wisconsin family and friends and things does not mean that moving to Seattle was the wrong decision. You just can’t be in two places at once, and so for me, when it’s time to ~SeTtLe DoWn~, I need to be where most of my people are. Where my village is.
Once we get settled, I hope I can start writing again. Or maybe writing and working. I don’t know yet how I will navigate the whole career+motherhood tangle…I’m sure it will take some time and, like everything, some trial and error. But I am happy that I’ll get to figure it out at home.
What I’m reading:
- Just finished Such A Fun Age, which was just as good as the hype and whose Goodreads rating is a disgrace. Kiley Reid does great dialogue.
- Now onto These Ghosts Are Family which is a multigenerational family drama partially set in Haiti – definitely gonna be good.
What I’m listening to:
- “Sonic Boom“, still. It’s really good!
What I’m watching:
- Just began “The Babysitters Club” on Netflix and like every elder millennial woman, am flush with adoration and glowing nostalgia for a simpler time.
Sconnie Molly 