Curveball, Part II

It was just a little over two years ago that I told y’all we were hitting the road for Seattle, and now the time has come to tell you that we’re officially coming back to Madison.

Just like the first couple of months of my pregnancy, I haven’t blogged in awhile because I couldn’t not talk about this major but tentative thing in my life – so now that everything’s official with this move I have to spill.
If you recall, this was always the plan – spend 2 or 3 years in Seattle while V gets the experience of working for one of the biggest companies in the world, and then return. It turns out that V will still be an Amazon employee after we move, albeit under a different team, but Ashwin’s birth definitely is the reason we’re leaving after 2 years instead of 3. Had I not gotten pregnant, I think we probably would’ve stayed another year at least, because we both really love this city. Madison is home, but I firmly believe that Seattle is the most naturally beautiful city in the country. It’s not like we are the outdoorsiest of people – um, I believe I’ve called myself quite the opposite – but the mountains and the water and all the hills are so spectacular that it’s enough to make a nature lover out of anyone. I hope we’ll be back for vacations, to show Ash where he came from.
It’s just too hard – emotionally and practically – to raise a child on the other side of the country from virtually everyone you know and love. Some people do it and my hat is off to them – some people don’t have much choice. I just really need my people, now more than ever, and I’m not ashamed! Our actual moving date is still TBD, but it will be in the next month or so.
I don’t know what I’ll be doing when we get back. As in, I truly have no idea. I don’t think I am cut out to be a full-time stay at home mom indefinitely. And I want to keep writing. Those are the two things I know for sure…so I’m just trying to have faith that the right gig will come along sooner or later.

I don’t have any regrets about coming here. We both got what we wanted out of it and more. Granted I am a little sick of moving (and I’m sure my family is sick of helping me move) but this was the right thing for us: coming when we did, and leaving when we are.
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I don’t know if I can ever properly thank my mom and my MIL for everything they’ve done for us since Ash was born. Getting up at ungodly hours, hand-washing bottles over and over, cooking amazing meals…it literally overwhelms me to think about the love they have shown us. No two people on this planet better embody the fact that love is a verb.
Most of the time I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing with Ashwin. In the beginning, everything was 100% a guessing game, trial and error, throw every idea at the wall and see what sticks. Now that we have a few months of living with him under our belts, I’d say now the guessing game is the way we make maybe 65% of parenting decisions. We observe him like goddamn research scientists, tracking his every poop and bottle, trying to make sense of it and discover patterns and ways to predict future behavior – but it’s really useless because he’s constantly changing. One week he might be eating 3 ounces every 3 hours, the next week it might be 4 ounces every 2 hours. On Monday he could sleep from 10pm-5am and on Tuesday go to sleep at 9, wake up at 12, again at 3, again at 6, again at 9. And it all falls within the vast, vast spectrum of “normal”. So there’s nothing to be done but just tag along for the ride; he’s unquestionably the captain of this ship.
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Things I’m Looking Forward to Upon Moving Home:

• Friends and family
• Air conditioning
• Culver’s
• Real Italian sausage (oh yeah um…I’m not strictly speaking a vegetarian anymore) (but I still try to limit meat)
• Actual winter
• The farmers’ markets
• Devil’s Lake

Things I Will Sorely Miss About Seattle:

• Endless food delivery options
• Mt. Rainier visible on sunny days
• Biscuit Bitch
• Tillamook ice cream
• Queen Anne Avenue
• Green Lake
• My nail salon
• The view of Lake Union and Eastlake from our apartment
• The view of Lake Union and Queen Anne Hill from I-5
• Wag walks
• The light rail

Things I Will Not Miss About Seattle:

• Absurdly high cost of living
• Not being able to go for a walk around our apartment without negotiating some really seriously steep hills (undesirable in general, downright offensive with a stroller)
• Weed smell (I don’t care one way or the other about weed! Legalize it!! But I do not personally partake and the smell is among my least favorite things in the whole world)
• Thinking every day about the Cascadia Subduction Zone and mentally preparing for an apocalyptic quake (I’ve linked to this article before and it is very very scary and you’ve been warned)

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What I’m reading:

• Just finished “Know My Name” by Chanel Miller, the “Emily Doe” in the Brock Turner rape case of 2015. Brave is a pathetic understatement for the way she took on this gut-wrenching journey.
• Next up…I don’t know? Whatever’s on my Kindle? Because all my books are packed away and the library still isn’t open.

What I’m watching:

• Well we finished the LOST rewatch, and I was rather let down by the finale this time. I still think it’s beautiful, but just not quite satisfying.
• Last night and tonight we watched two episodes of Sherlock with the MIL. I don’t know what it is about British television that is so darn comforting. Just watching the show makes me feel like I’m in a cozy living room with a warm blanket and my cat on my lap and a bowl of popcorn and a ginger ale and snow falling outside. Literally hygge.
• AshwinTV, aka the baby monitor, aka the live feed of my son tossing and turning in his bassinet and making me constantly think he’s about to wake up and eat, when in reality he is probably just going to fall back asleep (NOT THAT I’M COMPLAINING!)

What I’m listening to:

• “Sonic Boom”, the podcast about how the Seattle Supersonics were taken from our fair Emerald City to…Oklahoma City back in the halcyone days of (*checks notes*) 2008. I wasn’t super aware of the background drama when it happened, so I’m loving learning all this goss now as a (not for much longer) Seattleite. The city really got screwed.

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For the most part I have no idea what our new life in Madison will be like, but I am excited to find out, and excited to be going…yes…home.