“Only boring people get bored” – Betty Draper

Not surprising that my social media break has brought on my first blog post in almost half a year. I apparently have things to say that must be said in some manner of public forum!!

Of course, nothing earth-shattering.

I deleted my Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter apps the day of the Uvalde shooting. I haven’t read a word about it since then and plan to keep it that way. Just from several days living in the world since then – overhearing conversations, seeing headlines, etc – I already know more than I wanted to.

When things like this happen (which is weekly? daily?) I struggle between feeling an obligation to bear witness, and the knowledge that constantly doing so is, um, highly detrimental to my mental health. Ignoring it seems like a privilege that many do not have, so I should suck it up and stare unthinkable tragedy in the face every single time, in the name of solidarity. So my train of thought goes. But that doesn’t actually…help anyone. I’m aware of what happened and I know, as everyone with half a brain does, that things need to change but reading every single article and tweet doesn’t accomplish any sort of change. My RTs aren’t doing anything. Bathing myself in the sludgy discourse of this inexorable American hellscape only succeeds in making me sadder, more hopeless, less able to think about anything but the hellscape, less able to be enjoy and be present in my own life.

I’ve always been interested in what goes on in other places. Other cultures, other countries, other families, other communities. I suppose because I found my own too boring. When you’re a kid, nothing’s worse than boring – as a grownup, you have the perspective to see what a blessing boring can be. I had a “boring” childhood – parents happily together, financially stable, loving home, safe community – and I couldn’t be more grateful for it now. But the urge to look and see what’s happening “out there” remains strong.

To take this idea even further – I’ve noticed a pattern I have when catching up with friends. They say “what’s new?” and I usually talk about either V or Ashwin. V is busy with work, Ashwin said a new word, etc. I avoid talking about myself, I think, because I fear I’m boring. Especially at this stage in my life as a stay-at-home mom. I rarely have an interesting personal answer to “what’s new”.

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I am trying to get some part-time work in the near future. I’ve been saying that for awhile. But we found Ashwin a spot at a really great daycare starting at the end of August, and I will need a productive way to spend those days. I have all sorts of feelings about sending him to daycare, of course, but I think those are for another day. He needs to spend more time around other kids and we can only go on so many playdates.

Look at my baby though.

What I’m Reading

Take My Hand, by Dolen Perkins-Valdez. It’s about a young Black woman in 1970s Alabama who has recently begun her nursing career at a family planning clinic serving primarily local low-income Black folks…and you can probably guess where this is going. The RECENT history of forced sterilization in this country is fucking mad.

What I’m Watching

The MIL has introduced me to Korean soap operas on Netflix and we’re currently in the middle of Business Proposal. And yes, it’s absolutely overwhelmingly silly and overdramatic, but turns out that’s just what I need right now. I’m fully invested in Kang Tae-moo and Shin Ha-ri. Man, I wish some Indian soaps would make it to Netflix.

What I’m Looking Forward To:

V is off work this whole week! We were going to do a Detroit road trip but decided against it, so we’re doing a couple days in Chicago. In July we’ll be seeing Hannah Gadsby in Milwaukee, and in August seeing my boyfriend John Mulaney right here in Madison.

What I’m Fuming About:

I’m actively avoiding fuming. Social media break is definitely key here.