35

It is truly a delight to be writing this from a booth in Bassett Street Brunch Club, on my birthday, drinking a mimosa and waiting on my bacon and eggs and breakfast potatoes. Small pleasures! Thank God for vaccines!!!

I had planned on doing something out of the ordinary this morning – going kayaking, by myself. I’ve never gone kayaking period. But it seemed like fun? And not THAT hard? I ended up backing out at the last minute due to trepidation over the weather and irritation with myself for scheduling at 8:30 in the goddamn morning. I was full of ambition and the best intentions when I made the reservation. But I am 35, and it’s time to face facts: I am who I am, and I am not the sort of person who will get up early unless externally forced.

I do want to try kayaking, just to prove that I’m still capable of surprising myself and doing new things. When I was younger I used to quasi-fantasize about joining the military just to shock people. Obviously I’d never do it – I would hate absolutely everything about that experience, pacifist principles aside – but I loved the idea of upending people’s perceptions of me as coddled, or high maintenance, or wimpy, or whatever it might be. I am able to admit now that I am, to one degree or another, all those things. But I am tougher than I look. And at least you can’t say I’m not self-aware. LOL, somehow, a lack of self-awareness is worse to me than any of the other unflattering adjectives.

I downloaded an app called Peanut that is basically Tinder for moms looking for mom friends. Laugh if you want, God knows I did. I’m screening out anyone under 30 and anyone with more than 2 kids. I can’t handle that kind of stress even adjacently.

Still blonde, still blue-eyed, carrying about 50 more pounds than I’d like to be, but still trying valiantly to love myself every damn day. Trying to Mom, to Adult, to be some approximation of what 15-year-old Molly wanted to be at 35. It’s all a work in progress, all of it.

What I’m Reading:

Nerd alert: “The Secret Life of Groceries: The Dark Miracle of the American Supermarket“. It’s interesting, okay?

What I’m Watching:

V and I are reliving the early 2000s by rewatching Sex and the City. Carrie is even worse now that I’m the actual age she was supposed to be in the show. Miranda is still the best. Big is still tremendously unappealing.

Also, of course, watching the Bucks and the Hawks battle it out and fervently hoping we can at last, AT LAST see Giannis in the Finals.

What I’m Listening to:

Look, I’m quite sure I’m not the only 30-something woman tooling around town in my SUV bellowing out Olivia Rodrigo these days and feeling sullen. God, it’s brutal out here indeed.

What I’m Looking Forward to:

I’M SEEING ALANIS MORISSETTE IN SEPTEMBER!!!!! Remember, I was thinking of going in June 2020 in Seattle before 2020 became what it became. Now the tour has been rescheduled and I’m going to the stop in Chicago and I am PUMPED. Dare I say, without Alanis there would be no Olivia Rodrigo. And then where would we all be?