Tag Archives: birthday

It is truly a delight to be writing this from a booth in Bassett Street Brunch Club, on my birthday, drinking a mimosa and waiting on my bacon and eggs and breakfast potatoes. Small pleasures! Thank God for vaccines!!!

I had planned on doing something out of the ordinary this morning – going kayaking, by myself. I’ve never gone kayaking period. But it seemed like fun? And not THAT hard? I ended up backing out at the last minute due to trepidation over the weather and irritation with myself for scheduling at 8:30 in the goddamn morning. I was full of ambition and the best intentions when I made the reservation. But I am 35, and it’s time to face facts: I am who I am, and I am not the sort of person who will get up early unless externally forced.

I do want to try kayaking, just to prove that I’m still capable of surprising myself and doing new things. When I was younger I used to quasi-fantasize about joining the military just to shock people. Obviously I’d never do it – I would hate absolutely everything about that experience, pacifist principles aside – but I loved the idea of upending people’s perceptions of me as coddled, or high maintenance, or wimpy, or whatever it might be. I am able to admit now that I am, to one degree or another, all those things. But I am tougher than I look. And at least you can’t say I’m not self-aware. LOL, somehow, a lack of self-awareness is worse to me than any of the other unflattering adjectives.

I downloaded an app called Peanut that is basically Tinder for moms looking for mom friends. Laugh if you want, God knows I did. I’m screening out anyone under 30 and anyone with more than 2 kids. I can’t handle that kind of stress even adjacently.

Still blonde, still blue-eyed, carrying about 50 more pounds than I’d like to be, but still trying valiantly to love myself every damn day. Trying to Mom, to Adult, to be some approximation of what 15-year-old Molly wanted to be at 35. It’s all a work in progress, all of it.

What I’m Reading:

Nerd alert: “The Secret Life of Groceries: The Dark Miracle of the American Supermarket“. It’s interesting, okay?

What I’m Watching:

V and I are reliving the early 2000s by rewatching Sex and the City. Carrie is even worse now that I’m the actual age she was supposed to be in the show. Miranda is still the best. Big is still tremendously unappealing.

Also, of course, watching the Bucks and the Hawks battle it out and fervently hoping we can at last, AT LAST see Giannis in the Finals.

What I’m Listening to:

Look, I’m quite sure I’m not the only 30-something woman tooling around town in my SUV bellowing out Olivia Rodrigo these days and feeling sullen. God, it’s brutal out here indeed.

What I’m Looking Forward to:

I’M SEEING ALANIS MORISSETTE IN SEPTEMBER!!!!! Remember, I was thinking of going in June 2020 in Seattle before 2020 became what it became. Now the tour has been rescheduled and I’m going to the stop in Chicago and I am PUMPED. Dare I say, without Alanis there would be no Olivia Rodrigo. And then where would we all be?

33 doesn’t feel any different than 32, but the celebrations were polar opposites. Last year I had one of the best birthdays of my life, partying with my friends at our old college bar and feeling pretty and loved and alive. I felt those things this year too, but it was only me and V – plus, of course, all the calls and texts and cards and posts from the wonderful people in my life. There’s nothing wrong with “only me and V” – that’s how I like to spend a good chunk of my time – it was just a stark contrast to last year’s shenanigans.

Really, the way I spent the majority of my birthday itself was pretty similar, because I am a creature of habit who has few qualms about dropping coins in the name of self-care: I took the day off, got a massage, haircut, therapy session, diner brunch. Like, a pretty fucking great day, made possible by my abundance of privileges.

A few weeks ago I read an article written by Paulette Perhach, who is a Seattle freelance writer and someone whose work I admire. It’s about the idea of a birthday check-in: taking some time on or around your birthday to step back and assess every aspect of your life. What could be better, what you’ve accomplished, what you want to do differently in the upcoming year, etc. They aren’t resolutions – I, like everyone, suck at keeping New Years resolutions – but introspection with a purpose, you could say. I have a few thoughts.

• I want to watch more old Hollywood and more new Bollywood.
• I want to finally open a high-yield savings account because what am I waiting for, to finally earn a whole dime of interest in our shitty 0.01% Chase account? Fuck you, Chase.
• I want to continue to take good care of my skin but spend a less obscene amount of money doing so.
• I want to take a friends trip. (Just watched Wine Country)

And a few others.

• I don’t want to stop writing, regardless of my employment situation.
• I don’t want to compare myself to other people – friends or strangers – because 1) nothing is what it seems, 2) we’re not robots, and 3) there is a LOT to like about my life.
• I don’t want to be glued to my phone whenever I have a spare moment.
• I don’t want to rely so heavily on food as an emotional balm.

 

I am really enjoying my job and the women I work with. I have a lot to learn about communications, but learning about it doesn’t really feel like work, it sort of feels like a stretching of skills that I already have and watching the other women to develop the ones that I don’t. It’s a team of all women. It’s amazing.

We don’t have any trips home planned, or any trips at all save a long August weekend in Fresno and a short September weekend in Phoenix. V mentioned today that he wants to start thinking about our next “big” trip, which I am always down to daydream about, but I also think there’s a lot to see in Washington that we haven’t done yet…the San Juan Islands, Lake Chelan, Olympic National Park. Granted, those are all ~outdoorsy~ things, and we are two people with fairly low tolerance for that. It’s good to know these things about yourself.

What I’m reading:

• “The Farm” by Joanne Ramos. Another gift from dear Kate!

What I’m watching:

• Well, we got two episodes in to “When They See Us” and couldn’t go on. I know. I KNOW. We need to suck it up and look the wild miscarriage of justice in the face. It’s painful on spiritual and profane levels.
• We’re caught up on Barry, despite me being tempted to quit after season 1. It’s hard to talk about that show without spoilers, so I’ll just say it’s really funny and really odd and occasionally depressing, but Bill Hader has much more range than I’ve ever given him credit for and Henry Winkler is a goddamn treasure.
• BIG LITTLE LIES, which I am fully prepared to rewatch with V’s mom when she visits in August.

What I’m listening to:

• Musically, mainly Lizzo and Erykah Badu.
• Otherwise, my usual podcasts: Dear Prudence, Keep It, and Good Christian Fun.

What I’m buying:

• Strongly considering giving into my bougie-est desires and buying this expensive ass vanilla extract to make my chocolate chip cookies EVEN BETTER. I have an Amazon gift card, LET ME LIVE. Like so many pricey AND affordable things I end up buying, I found it on The Strategist.

 

Tell your people you love them!