We did apartment-hunting in Seattle over the weekend and it was fun, exhausting, surreal, weird. We had a rental car for the weekend and driving into the city from the airport, V mentioned that one reason it felt so odd is that we hardly ever drive ourselves around when we’re in a different city…if we’re visiting family, obviously they drive, and if we’re on vacation we Uber or take public transportation. Maneuvering our way to the hotel and then to a drugstore and then back to the hotel was…an adventure in and of itself. Their downtown has a lot of one-way streets, like Madison’s, but on a larger scale. I don’t think we’ll drive too much once we move unless we really have to. The apartments we looked at (10 in all) were all shiny and mostly new and amenity-filled and clearly very much catering to our particular demographic. I’m already feeling some guilt associated with being one of Those People in Seattle.
Honestly, all I really want is for us to find a good apartment in a good area and for us and our kitty to make it there unscathed and adjust as smoothly as possible. And uh, a job would be nice too…or at least steadier freelance work. I’ve got to start hustling, that’s the only way freelancers make it. I’m still anxious about everything, but I am also starting to feel more like this is very much the right thing for us right now, and that it will be good. If it turns out not to be, it’s not undoable. I always like knowing I have an emergency exit plan, even if I won’t need it.
I had my last appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday, the same one I’ve been seeing for twelve years. TWELVE YEARS, man. I came to her when I was 20, fresh off a terrible breakup and not sleeping and feeling miserable. She helped me see that the breakup was actually quite a good thing. She guided me through many subsequent years of experimenting with different medications to treat my anxiety and depression. She was a constant in my life when I badly needed stability. She did talk therapy with me even though that’s not really what she normally does and normally she meets with younger adolescents but she kept me all these years anyway. Yesterday we talked about the upcoming move and about how I’ve changed since we first met. She said she could see that I’ve become a lot more calm and peaceful. Which I would partly attribute to medication, and partly to internal work I’ve done, and partly to the people around me who help me stay sane. But really…I wish every person in the world had access to this kind of care, and it bums me out that mental health still isn’t taken as seriously as it should be.
If I ever do write a book, she’s going to be prominently named in my Acknowledgments.
What I’m Reading:
- I’m in the middle of “There There” by Tommy Orange, which has been getting praise every which way lately from people whose tastes I respect. I think I’m doing it wrong though – I like it so far, but I’m reading it on my Kindle, and that method of reading makes it difficult to go back and refresh one’s memory about who’s who and what happened when. In a story like this with intertwined characters, that is challenging. And I’ve been reading it in such small random intervals. For this book, I think a hard copy would have been a lot better.
What I’m Watching:
- Uh, duh: Nanette. You’ve heard about Nanette, right? OK so it’s a Netflix stand-up special from an Australian comedy named Hannah Gadsby. I love a good stand-up, and Hannah is definitely funny, but this is unlike any other stand-up I’ve ever seen. She mixes humor with some really fucking raw and powerful personal stories about growing up as a lesbian in a conservative region of Australia. It’s a sorely needed perspective and brilliantly put together. Her pain is so visceral and visible. You wonder how anyone could hate her for being “different”. Homophobia really is a mindfuck and LGBT folks themselves are not immune to internalizing it the way we all have; Hannah suffered from it very much, “soaking in self-hate”. Anyway. I highly highly encourage you to watch it, all of it.
- I miss Queer Eye so much. I need constant new episodes. Following the guys on Instagram is fun and all but I need MORE.
What I’m fuming about:
- Oh, the usual. I haven’t read up very much yet on new SCOTUS nominee Brett Kavanaugh but from what I know, it’s pretty much as bad or worse as we feared it would be.
- White people are on a hell of a roll lately being idiotic and racist. (I guess by “lately” I mean that lately a lot of it has been caught on video.) There was #PermitPatty, there was #BBQBecky, then #PoolPatrolPaul. Now today I learned of this dude who harassed a woman in a park for wearing a shirt with the Puerto Rican flag. (He was clearly not aware that Puerto Rico is part of the US.) There are cops *right there*, and the woman repeatedly asks them for assistance, only to be essentially ignored. The guy was almost certainly drunk and she had every reason to be fearful. One of the things he said was “you’re not gonna change us”. Which felt pretty chilling to me.
Sconnie Molly 